We live in a world where men are, sometimes explicitly, expected to be tough and strong all of the time, and sadly women now too, are expected to be nothing short of superhuman, but the reality for both sexes has always rested somewhere in between immortal and not, and now research has confirmed what most of us knew already: humans are, well, human after all.
According to a recent article in Journal of Men’s Health, a new publication which focuses on improving the health of men around the world, divorced men have higher rates of mortality, substance abuse, depression, and lack of social support, all related to psychological and behavioural disorders which can be brought on in men as a result of divorce.
Previous research also highlights the fact that men find it harder to adjust after divorce, although typically they are often better off financially, but it will be interesting to see if that turns on its head in the next twenty years or so, as more and more women take on the role of joint or main breadwinner.
It’s a tough old world out there, but we can have our superheroes and heroines: after all, we need them so; we just need to let their skin breathe under the latex from time to time.
Researching Reform 
The claim ‘although typically they are often better off financially’ is surely one to add to the myths……
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Hi Aki, most of the research tends to suggest that men, relative to women, are better off financially after divorce. There are cases where this is not so, but here is some research which de-mythifies things.
Wives’ first move in divorce is costliest
Women worse off after divorce
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I think men have a raw deal in many respects and it’s all down to our (women’s) expectations of them. The old song “Boys cry” sums it up. Men are expected to put up and shut up! Men can be a bit one dimensional. Sorry, but their ego gets in the way and that makes them more vulnerable and the reason they don’t cope so well without a woman.
Women have always had it harder financially. They became resourceful and multifaceted as a result. They have not always made the right choices but invariably survived.
It is a shame that divorce is so prevalent as we work better together. Maybe there should be a law that prevents marriage until much older. The person that you thought was so good for you in your early adulthood usually turns out to be just your imagination!
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That’s an interesting thought, D, but I would counter it by saying that the person you marry at 30 or 40 may not be the person once you hit your 50s, either. Human beings evolve, that is what we do; perhaps what we should be asking is whether the current marriage model, given that we know so much more about the human condition today, is really a one size fits all deal/ truly compatible for most of us.
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So true Natasha, that’s what I was getting at. All relationships need working at regardless of age and length of time together. I find myself holding back from making a bitchy, hurtful remark in response to something that might have upset me, not because my other half doesn’t deserve it, sometimes he does, but because I live by a moral code that you can’t take back what is said in anger and expect the relationship to be the same again. A little kindness goes a long way but so does different interests where you can have time apart! You are right, marriage isn’t for everyone which might be why so many part company.
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I think you may have misunderstood me, D. What I’m saying is that perhaps marriage in its current form just isn’t the most intelligent or effective model for humans. I’m a romantic at heart and very comfortable with the idea of one person forever, but I’m aware that as humans evolve and change, they may grow apart, through no fault of their own.
Perhaps then, it’s not all about working at something. After all, if Hitler had had his way, he would have worked his way to a Third Reich (extreme example and not connected to marriage other than to make a point, of course). Perhaps, sometimes, it’s about doing the right thing, rather than the expected thing.
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I don’t think men find it harder to adjust after divorce “per se” dispite whatever ‘research’ has to say. It is more to do with the fact that the apparatus of the state renders men impotent.
If the state stripped women of their children in 95% of cases; then made an earnings attachment; then took away the marltal home; and then took half the pension (which is a deffered income; and then insisted on CSA payment; and then made all child benefits payable only to men (rather than only to women); and then husbands would not allow wives to see their children; then guess what ? Women would find divorce “hard to cope with” as well.
Thus the the role of ‘joint or main’ breadwinner is immaterial.
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As far as I am concerned EVERYBODY who is concerned in the SPLIT from a marriage should not seek monitory gain but seek a mutual compromise without MALICE. But then how would I know I have been married to the same person since about 1957 ???. Let not the other half see this.
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Afterthought. When one considers why ANY party would bring an Action against a former Spouse, Partner. It is only the sense of BETRAYAL(to my mind) that causes the affronted Partner to react.(torn clothes etc).. NOW a COMPLIMENT to the deepest thoughts of women. WHY did this man who I loved do this to me with ANOTHER woman. The Bastard. LOL. ANSWER. The get-out Clause of every man through history. She gave me of the apple and I did eat. I have not done this, BUT I want to say that I know of persons who are LONELY because of their implacable desire to not forgive their erring partners.and VICE VERSA. Consider the many stories where married people separated and years later reunited. JUST CHEWING the CUD.
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I cannot see any reference to whether the men in the study had such problems pre-marriage (which would meet the qualification of being ‘unmarried’), whether they had such problems during the marriage (and may therefore have been the primary cause of the breakdown), or whether the problems developed post-separation as appears to be the simplistic assumption. The study is of little value without such clarifications and comparatives.
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