The Telegraph reports this morning that what is in fact the longest relationship study ever conducted comes to what some might feel is a controversial conclusion – those in second marriages are far more likely to stand the test of time.
Professor George Vaillant, who ran The Grant Study for over 45 years, (as part of a project which spanned more than seventy and which tracked the lives of over 240 men), found evidence to suggest that marriage improves with age, especially after 70, that many people trapped in unhappy marriages during middle age were successfully able to turn their marriages around, and that many of those who divorced went on to form happy marriages that lasted several decades.
The study even suggests that it’s not necessarily the second marriage which leads to marital longevity. It can even be the fourth or fifth…..
The study also found that men who had a warm relationship with their father were more likely to make good husbands.
Interestingly, those from what we call broken homes or who had experienced traumatic childhoods were no less likely to sustain a stable and happy marriage than those from stable homes.
After weighing up all of the data, Professor Vailant comes to the conclusion that many of those who divorced had ended up happier than those who stayed in troubled unions.
What is the study really saying then? We think it’s quite obvious -it’s all about timing and relationships, like everything in life.
The article is worth a read. It offers interesting stats from the study and more.
Researching Reform 
Reblogged this on World4Justice : NOW! Lobby Forum..
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Hi Natasha
Great headline.
Could also be;
“Expert says age of consent for marriage should be raised to 70”.
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That made me smile, Stevie 🙂 I think with age comes experience, for many. Perhaps the lesson in all of this is that we should be less tough on things like divorce and more open to the possibility that relationships are like journeys: exciting, challenging, frightening, and above all, a natural part of our human experience.
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As an eternal optimist i agree.
However, there’s a caveat.
I also agree with you that “timing” is also important and in this instance i just wish that Prof. Vaillant had completed his research some years ago. Perhaps that might have helped me avoid donating some very nice houses to “worthy” causes!
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Ha!!!! 🙂
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What about the kids?. . . .But you’d expect me to raise that, wouldn’t you? I agree that relationships are like journeys, but the effect on the children when they end is, Penelope Leach says, devastating. ‘Always’. Her word. I don’t think I disagree. So, the question is. . .do we put our own interests first, or the children’s? And we’re talking long-term, remember. Possibly, like, lifetime. Sorry, Natasha, after our private chat about this, but I can’t stay quiet. . . . .
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That’s alright Roger, I expected you to share your thoughts. Regardless of my own views, this forum is at least about sharing opinions, if nothing else. I think what Penelope means is that divorce is upsetting for children, not that it’s so upsetting that it has to cause lasting damage. That’s down to us as adults and how we cope with it. So, to my mind, divorce is not the enemy. Our own limits are.
If we look at the animal kingdom, we can see that the vast majority of creatures are not monogamous. There are of course, those that are. I think as humans, we are possibly the same. Most of us are just not built for monogamy. Some of us, are. Whichever path we choose, children can still feel safe and loved. That’s my view, at least.
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You’ll be really surprised to hear this, but I agree! With a caveat that some of us humans seem to be very happy as monogamous and others definitely not. Perhaps those who are inclined not to be monogamous should exercise their prerogative before having children rather than afterwards, at least for some years? Personally, I think that everyone who intends to have children should be advised of the possible consequences of splitting up not only on themselves but on the children. Most creatures as parents stay around for the nurturing part of their offspring’s lives. I certainly believe that parents should be warned that they risk losing contact with their kids if they split up, under the current system. And that is hell.
Fighting over who has the children does even more damage to everyone, but it is only natural to do so if you risk losing any meaningful relationship with them. In other words, be warned.
I shall read the rest of what Penelope Leach has to say before I agree or otherwise on whether she meant that the damage to children is only transient. I may even ask her myself!
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Hi Roger, I think forcing parents to stay together by threatening them with the loss of their children would be a recipe for disaster…. what of those situations where domestic violence is at play? Or child abuse? What if children grow up watching their parents slowly dying inside and becoming introverted because they are so deeply unhappy and possibly either losing interest in their children altogether or committing suicide, and leaving their children without a parent?
I think this scenario is very dangerous.
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I believe children are more resilient than we give them credit for. If they know they are loved they will OK. They can spot those faking it!
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Yes, they’re clever little bunnies….
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Sorry, Natasha, I didn’t mean they should be threatened with losing their children! Just that the reality is, if they go through the ‘Family’ Courts, they may well do so. I know. . . .
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Oh, I see! Sorry Roger, my mistake 🙂
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I’ve given up on research about relationships. I’ve seen far too many diametrically opposite conclusions reached from apparently clear cut studies. I don’t really believe that studies other than ones on a truly vast scale can tell us anything worthwhile about how to do relationships.
20 years as a divorce lawyer have brought me the most trivial of reasons for bailing out of what was supposed to be a lifetime commitment and also the most compelling. I simply don’t generalise about why marriages end any more and I’ve never been one for validating or condemning what my clients are choosing to do.
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I think research in this area, however it’s spun, always makes the same overall point – it all really depends on the people involved. Some people mature later on in life and learn how to make relationships work, some know already but marry the wrong person for them (and I do believe that we are not all suited to one another), and some, despite being together, and picking the right person at the time, grow apart, and there is very little anyone can do. That’s my view, for what it’s worth, a view which, I’m sure, is not shared by everyone.
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