Our image of the month is by Paul Brian Tovey, Researching Reform’s Artist In Residence.
Paul is an adult adoptee whose adoptive parents physically, psychologically and sexually abused him in childhood. His work reflects the impact this maltreatment has had on his mental health and his physical health, as a child and as an adult.
Paul now campaigns for adoptees to have the legal right to revert back to their birth identities. The process is currently unavailable to most adoptees in the UK, because of the costs involved and a narrow legal threshold which makes it almost impossible to get a reversion in law.
This month’s painting is titled, “Going Home – Dog Isle,” and explores the psychological and emotional pain adoptees face when trying to piece their pasts together.
Speaking to Researching Reform, Paul said, “Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD) after complex developmental pain has to be processed for years to gradually accept the grief. It’s never ending or it would not be complex trauma.”
“In a decent human tribe I would be known as the Wail-wolf Of The Cliffs, rescuing wails by the sheer drops. It’s my special skill. I have a Degree in Child Abuse, actually a Masters too. Life awarded it to me. Art and poetry are my eyes and soul now, always.”
The following poem by Paul is meant to be read alongside his art:
I went to school in blue pain lakes and aches after Adoption
Spontaneously at 6 I asked why: “tomb and womb” rhyme?
I found a magazine too with naked lady cannibalism shown
My body shook with a recognition of the penis eating crime
In the playground I played at being a crab, eating genitals
Chasing boys who ran in fear , all spiked and horrified
Went home to bad dreams later, got gobbled by an alligator
At night it prowled too and my spirit hid in sleep and died
This is why I sail for home and legends of missed people
My hells needed special prayers and a simple artistic steeple
I pray with pencils and simple colours to ease the truth
In other pictures Grief leaps in losses from an escaping roof
This is why I live in peeling feelings to let an ocean flow
I ease a child inside me holding hands till Mr Time lets us go.
I do not wish for complexity in Arts only authentic Sun and pain
Show a long therapeutic journey, perhaps become partly sane
Heal as you can in the human child abuse Adoption zone
As for me: just nod with witness, then leave me alone.
Researching Reform 
How this rips at the heart. Your heart just breaks for Paul. Yet, how blessed are all seared by adoption, when Paul through such expression in his art, gives us a measure of the depth of his pain. I weep at the in-depth detail of his suffering, our suffering, portrayed with such artistic strength. How adoption as we know it today should be banished to the annals of history. Herald in a new dawn, where babies/children needing separated for safety and well-being, should only be temporary. Parents should be taught parenting skills, monitored during training, and monitored for the next five years, till the joy of parenting blossoms with their new found skills and confidence. Indeed parenting skills, it should be introduced into the curriculum, as Compulsory and Not optional. We go through tests to drive a car safely, we Must be taught to love and care for our children. Mothers/Fathers, whether 13 or 40, Must, face responsibility, for their baby, and that responsibility should be the inclusion of what happens in closed adoption to any baby/their baby. Especially the suffering both mentally and physically babies/children/adults suffer so severely when separation occurs. Now in many cases, placed in this never ending nightmare situation of psychological abuse and physical abuse, by adults that were Never vetted, Never went through training to become parents. I am so moved by Paul’s art, what a gift. I believe there should be a total independent body raised up, to Monitor every adoption for the first 18 years of adoption. Compulsory, not optional, to all who come forward to care for the taken babies/children. With the proviso, they are not, and never can be the natural parents of this child, they are nurturing parent’s ( nurturer’s ). Showing throughout the years of looked after children, that the baby will alway’s come first, the babies well-being comes first, and the very depth of that well-being is the child’s Ancestry Coupled with truth and loving care, and in a professional way. Their life within this looked after period, will always be monitored, where the child within this setting has a safe place, their fears and anxieties acknowledged , dealt with safely and acted upon. Informed, and visited by their family and extended family, throughout the separated time/year/years, this is their inalienable RIGHT as a human being. No longer should adopted parents be wrapped in cotton wool, as the Saviours of the child, and the natural parents banished by social work/ government policy; as unfit parents. Nothing, absolutely not one word in the dictionary, can describe, my nine month old baby taken from me aged 17, because I had not a wedding ring. My gift, wrapped in sorrow, a daily Living Bereavement, 40 years of separation brings devastation of a depth never studied, known occurs within our psyche, brings with it total annihilation of the family we were, that never was allowed to be. Sociologists, Governments, policy, bears the brunt of this fallout. LEARN from the Paul’s of this world. Many us teenage mums of yesteryear, died without ever knowing what happened to their baby, never being allowed to see touch or hold their baby, BECAUSE of POLICY of the era. Now in our twilight years, the true psychological tsunami that was our lot the rest of our lives, with NO Help, No support afforded, we were lambs to the slaughter, the worthless mothers, unworthy to mother, the silent nation within our nation. Our family annihilated by government/church policy. I rest my case. ( warm hug to Paul, thank you for giving us your wonderful gifts portrayed in your art ). My apologies, I was living my experience, triggers, it has all just came out and hence this article. I am now 75 yrs old, and as vivid as it was yesterday.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you for your beautiful words, Mara. I’m so sorry you’ve felt such pain too.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sadly, I am lying in bed, with terminal cancer, I am convinced the years and years of adoption stress , Grief/separation/ loss, must be a contributory factor on our health. Thank you Natasha, you are a gem to us, and all seared so deeply by adoption. Natasha, you are brick by brick, knocking the wall of adoption Down, to expose the TRUTH and outcome of Forced Adoption.
Kindest regards
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m incredibly sorry to hear that, Mara. My heart bleeds for yours. Thank you for your deeply kind words, and your support, I’m overwhelmed by your grace and generosity of spirit.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh dear – another cancer victim – bless you with my prayers – I too have been there – and yet you gave your heart back to what was shown and said … THAT IS what Artists need … Just you being you, in the mirror of the poem and stimulations of experiences … Part me, part you, and part everyone of this life and type of pain …
I barely know what to say …. “17” !!!! ….. My god how you were let down and in other ways I know that life . Here is a poem for today and us here …
I was the boy surging for the spirit of my mother:
Her inner image bursting too in my mixed up life
I felt the primal tides cracking all Adoption’s docks
She came back disguised as my inner nature’s strife
Bursting iron and bursting artificial legal locks
At 17 my life went mentally volcanic, and nearly died
I took pills, walked to a tunnel to sleep, in near suicide
We surely do suffer mightily as separated people.. The State causes this and so do the dreamers who believe wrongly we can be altered without consequences of nature itself being violated very deeply ..
I am in sorrow for all of us … Honest sorrow is also authenticity and truth …Sorrow can be positive, though of course sad… Stand by it – it’s our Soul Flag … Learn from pain … That is our message ..xxx Bless you Mara …Go well in your bravery …
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you Paul for such kindness expressed.
Thank you for your Gift to the world, your art and poem are moving living treasures that ebb and flow with each arrow that pierces the marrow.
Through your art and poem educating, educating the world of a pain never truly validated nor understood by society to this very day.
How I wish we could share this tapestry of life Paul.
With a wee blether , of how precious time becomes when with those suffered severed love by the state.
Time so precious, when time is fast depleting.
The the dark fir-boding colours that are rooted in our being, we the ones touched by adoption, to the vivid reds of danger, the mellow yellow of subdued helplessness, to the greens of fresh shoots of Hope, the greys that followed when hope was waining, the golden strands that held the dream, when the sun shone its rays penetrated deep touched the heart with crumbs from the adoption table, the silver lining that graced the cloud when dreams of Hope held fast for that fleeting moment, I was bathed in a rainbow. The deepest purples greys black with shafts of penetrating murky mix the tsunami came, drowned in sorrow and everlasting tears. Yet, I give thanks for that fleeting moment indelible, now locked in time and distant memory.
Thank you Paul, keep giving with such grace, the gift’s we treasure from you, borne from your living bereavement. Mara.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Very nice artwork Paul.
LikeLike