Welcome to your week.
In an article for The Express yesterday, Peter Saunders, founder of the National Association of People Abused In Childhood (NAPAC), has lashed out at the Church for failing to properly address child abuse within its churches and internal management structures.
Saunders, who was abused himself by two Catholic priests, also points out that child abusers are not always male, and that more needs to be done to raise awareness around this issue, as well as make it easier for male victims to come forward.
Victims of child abuse often find it very hard to open up about their experiences and access support, and this can sometimes be even more difficult for men who have been abused by women.
Our question this week, then, is just this: how would you help male victims of child abuse to come forward and find the help and support they need?
Researching Reform 
I am a victim of childhood abuse myself, sexual molestation by a family member (father’s 2nd cousin). I was lucky in that it was the nuns at my highschool who actively encourage any of us to come to them if we needed help, especially if there were problems at home. My nuns were not the stereotypical nuns – there’s two classes of nuns, those who report to a local bishop and those who report in to the Vatican itself and mine were the latter; this gave them the freedom to ignore the local dictates of the bishop, archbishop and even the cardinal.
My nuns ran homeless shelters and actively encouraged us to work in soup kitchens, to give back to the community. And a large proportion of them worked in women’s shelters – working with abused women. My nuns were quite feminist, by Catholic standards, and even told a local priest to piss off when he dared to lecture us on the evils of womanhood.
Anywho, these nuns moved fast & hard when I went to them for help. They got in contact with the local police and the Catholic Children’s Aid Society. They believed me from the very beginning, protecting me and advocating for me when my family tried to get me to revoke my complaint to the police – even threatening to start proceedings to get me taken from my parents’ care unless they stepped up and supported me.
Most nuns or even priests are not that proactive and protective, and to this day I am lucky I had those nuns.
What can be done to encourage victims of abuse to step forward? Believe them when they are courageous enough to step forward — it’s frightening trying to approach a person of authority, when it was another person of authority who may well have abused them. It’s a question of trust – can the child/adult confide in someone they trust? Teachers, GPs, and others involved in childhood development should keep an eye out. And the laws should be changed that all complaints of abuse be reported to local authorities – thereby denying The Church their claim that they will take care of it in-house; just because you’re a religious organisation shouldn’t exempt you from civil/criminal law.
For boys it is extremely difficult to come forward. Society tends to instill in boys that they need to “be a man”, to suck it up, take the pain and never show your emotions. If anything, organisations such as Bernardo’s should probably put together campaigns aimed at boys, as most abuse is assumed to be men against girls, when it happens just as easily between women & boys.
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I didn’t know OB, I’m so sorry, thank you for your amazing, courageous post xxxxx
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To be believed is paramount. My friend, now in her sixties, wrote out her memo for me as she could not talk about it. She was abused throughout her childhood by her mother’s younger brother, now dead. She escaped only when she was sixteen and able to leave home to go on a residential course. She never returned to live with her family, although she has kept in touch – on her own territory.
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I was physically and sexually abused in approved school every other day from 1963 to 1966 by a housemaster.never spoke about this it affected me all my life borstal prison usual thing.then when the truth project began. I attended the first session I spoke to an Ivor jay one of the project panel members.he listened to everything I said just listened to my story. I cried a little cos I had never spoken of this to anyone. but managed to tell him everything about my life. reasons I went to approved school for wagging school. after I was kidnapped off the street aged 9 and abused by a man who held a knife to my throat. couldn’t tell my father. so I was locked in the cellar for 2 weeks let out at night when he came home then back down the cellar in the morning. for being 4 hours late from the errand he sent me on were during the attack I lost the half-crown he gave me for the shop .he said I had stolen it .i just could not tell him what had happened. when I went home from the truth project my wife said a different-better man came back felt like a million ton weight had been lifted from my shoulders .and I could love again I had lost this emotion in that school lost all emotional feelings now after that session I have them all back so please talk about your abuse I told ivor jay. that abuse took away the warmth of my childhood and left the cold. I am now warm again .thank you for your time.speak out now, please
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Thank you for sharing your experience, it was incredibly moving. I will pass your lovely feedback to the Inquiry. xxx
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Reblogged this on World4Justice : NOW! Lobby Forum..
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The worst thing of all perhaps is the fact that children in care are FORBIDDEN yes FORBIDDEN to report abuse at contact sessions .If they report any abuse by fosterers ,social workers,or any one connected with social services contact is stopped immedfiately and that parent will sometimes never ever see that child again ! Talk about emotional abuse,sexual abuse ,physical abuse,…………… Not when you are in State care you don’t !!
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Sorry I didn’t answer the question ,What needs to be done? No answer can completely solve the problem but the essential reform would be to STOP GAGGING CHILDREN in Care and for the police NEVER to refuse to take statements (as they do now) from parents complaining that their children in care are being abused.
Don’t hold your breath !
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