A then groundbreaking 25 year study published in 2004, which followed 131 children after their parents divorced makes some bold suggestions which many will view as controversial.
Its central conclusion is that parental divorce negatively impacts a child’s ability to love and be loved within a lasting relationship.
Its key findings include:
- The economic implications of divorce often left parents scrambling to earn income, which meant less time spent with their children. As a result, children felt neglected during periods of their childhood when they needed their parents most
- Children’s views of relationships were affected: they took the view that personal relationships were unreliable, no matter how much contact they had with each parent
- Loneliness and fear of abandonment were significantly increased in the children who took part in the study
- A strong concern for separated parents and who would take care of those parents also featured
- Children were able to vividly recall scenes of violence between their parents, and being abandoned by a particular parent
- Children as young as four or five could not remember specific scenes of violence, but appeared to have ongoing nightmares which featured violence
- Very few children of divorce in the study felt they had a happy childhood. Older siblings took on a parental role, taking care of siblings and needy parents, but were proud of their ability to cope.
- Children who had to take on such responsibilities developed moral values and compassion at an early age. Those who took on too much lost out on their childhood and important aspects of their social development.
- As teenagers, many reported feeling alone and having to take care of themselves
- Children in the study played parents off each other, and there was more ‘acting out’ in these family units
- 1 in 5 of the girls in the study had a sexual experience before the age of 14 – however sex was not the goal, rather the price these girls felt they needed to pay in order to be ‘held’ by a man and feel significant.
- Parenting in each home differed widely, with little consistency
- Whilst fathers had higher paying jobs than mothers in the main, only one third of fathers offered support for college expenses, despite there being regular and positive contact
- Two thirds of mothers offered support for college expenses
Much has happened since 2004, and even more research exists which tells us that divorce is much more nuanced in its effect on children than we imagined, with genes and personality traits playing a role in how kids are impacted, but this study is interesting for the number of issues it highlights, many of which may still ring true today.
There is no doubt that divorce does create obstacles, but it would be wrong to think that conventional family units don’t have problems of their own. Togetherness is not always a sign of harmony, or a peaceful home. Many children live in ‘whole’ family units because the parents don’t feel they can separate, whether for emotional or financial reasons. Some children will witness ongoing abuse and violence in a conventional home. In short, it is not divorce that’s the problem, it’s how we handle life’s challenges, and what we teach our children.
Many thanks to Sabine, a dedicated McKenzie Friend who goes beyond the call of duty for the families she assists, for sharing this study with us.
Researching Reform 
The facts available from schools and therapists overwhelmingly substantiate the report of this study. Children pay a much greater cost, and carry greater burdens than adults involved in marital problems realise.
Regression in schoolwork and unusual, even unacceptable behavioural problems are often manifested and noted by teachers; these can lead to the need for referral to therapists and a whole train of circumstances that will hound a child for the rest of his/her life.
There are no winners in marital disputes that end in divorce – with the exception of the lawyers.
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Reblogged this on Musings of a Penpusher and commented:
The facts available from schools and therapists overwhelmingly substantiate the report of this study. Children pay a much greater cost, and carry greater burdens than the adults involved in marital problems realise.
Regression in schoolwork and unusual, even unacceptable behavioural problems are often manifested and noted by teachers; these can lead to the need for referral to therapists and a whole train of circumstances that will hound a child for the rest of his/her life.
There are no winners in marital disputes that end in divorce – with the exception of the lawyers.
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For the past three and half decades articles and books have appeared that have published the research on fathering. The conclusion of the research seems to be that one thing is clear—fathers are perfectly capable of caring for children, even young babies. They are not simply substitute mothers and fathers have a distinct style of parenting. Research has shown that: fathers are no longer, if they ever were, merely a biological necessity – a social accident. They are an important influence on their children’s development, and a close relationship between father and child benefits the father as well as the child. Children need their fathers, but fathers need their children too.
While maternal attachment has been widely recognised for several decades, the more recent literature on attachment clearly demonstrates that children form important bonds with both parents. Further, evidence has mounted that demonstrates the importance of the attachment developed between father and child. This attachment bond is the beginning of the development of social skills, and social relationships, and, in the broader context of society cannot in any way be considered secondary to the mother-child attachment
The father’s vital role in giving his child the start to a successful future was confirmed by the results of a 40-year Oxford University’s study (Flouri & Buchanan 2002)300 that tracked the lives of 17,000 individuals born in 1958, monitoring their progress at the ages of seven, eleven, sixteen, twenty three and thirty three. They were given scores at each stage according to how big a part their fathers played in such pursuits as reading, helping with homework and accompanying them on outings. The study released in March 2002 found that close paternal involvement not only improves academic performance but also relationships and health. The benefits are greatest for youngsters who establish a strong bond from at least the age of seven. The highest scorers performed best at school, socially and in their marital relationships. After inspection of all the factors influencing a child’s later marital success, such as mental health, academic achievement and emotional behaviour, the influence of a father was most telling.
Daughters benefiting from a strong paternal bond were less likely to have mental health problems and boys were less likely to get into trouble with the police. Similar results have been documented by other long-term investigations. A thirty-six year longitudinal study in the U.S. found that the children of affectionate fathers were much more likely in there forties to be happily married and mentally healthy and to report good relationships with friends (Franz, McClelland, & Weinburger 1991). Furthermore, the child with an available father, both in the early and the adolescent years, is more companionable and responsible as an adult (Warshak 1992).
References
Flouri E, & Buchanan A. What Predicts Good Relationships With Parents In Adolescence And Partners In Adult Life. Paper XXV International Congress of Applied Psychology. Singapore (July 7-12 2002). See also, Flouri E, & Buchanan A & Bream A. Adolescents’ Perceptions Of Their Fathers’ Involvement: Significance To School Attitudes. 29 Psychology In Schools (2002) pp. 575-582; Flouri E & Buchanan A. Childhood Predictors Of Labor Force Participation In Adult Life. 23 Journal of Family and Economic Issues (2002) pp. 101-120; Flouri E, Buchanan A, & Ten Beinke J. Emotional And Behavioural Problems In Childhood And Distress In Adult Life: Risk And Protective Factors. 36 Australian and New Zealand Journal of Psychiatry (2002) pp. 521-527; Flouri E, & Buchanan A. Father Involvement In Childhood And Trouble With The Police In Adolescence: Findings From The 1958 British Birth Cohort. 17Journal of Interpersonal Violence (2002) pp. 689-701; Flouri E, & Buchanan A. Life Satisfaction In Teenage Boys: The Moderating Role Of Father Involvement And Bullying. 28 Aggressive Behavior (2002) pp. 126-133; Flouri E, & Buchanan A. The Protective Role Of Parental Involvement In Adolescent Suicide. 23 Crisis (2002) pp. 17-22; Flouri E & Buchanan A. What Predicts Good Relationships With Parents In Adolescence And Partners In Adult Life: Findings From The 1958 British Birth Cohort. 16 Journal of Family Psychology (2002) pp. 186-198
Franz C E, McClelland D C, & Weinberger J. Childhood Antecedents of Conventional Social Accomplishments In Midlife Adults: A thirty-Six year Prospective Study. 60 Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (1991) pp. 586-595.
Warshak R A. The Custody Revolution: The Father Factor and The Motherhood Mystique. Simon & Schuster, New York (1992)
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“In short, it is not divorce that’s the problem, it’s how we handle life’s challenges, and what we teach our children.”
i must agree here. some of these studies are too simplistic and seem to put things in nice neat little boxes.
life just isnt that simple.
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I don’t think there is anything really here that we don’t already know. Every report, every study, shows that children, on the whole, do better in every way when they are brought up by a father and a mother, or at least knowing both their parents. Divorce or separation may be best for the parents but it is almost always not best for the children. Children need love and stability, at the very least at home. I don’t need to be told that children are better off outside of a violent relationship, that is obvious, but in the vast majority of cases parents should try and work out their differences and stay together, for the sake of the children to use an old-fashioned phrase. Whatever ideology we like to hold, we need to recognise what is true and what every sign points to our children’s best interests (not the Family Courts’ version!).
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“(not the Family Courts’ version!).”
totally agree.
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Reblogged this on World4Justice : NOW! Lobby Forum..
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Reblogged this on No Punishment without Crime or Bereavement without Death! and commented:
Parents, watch out! In case you don’t know…
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Thank You, Natasha! It takes one to know one! Excellent summary!
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Reblogged this on | truthaholics and commented:
“While maternal attachment has been widely recognised for several decades, the more recent literature on attachment clearly demonstrates that children form important bonds with both parents. Further, evidence has mounted that demonstrates the importance of the attachment developed between father and child. This attachment bond is the beginning of the development of social skills, and social relationships, and, in the broader context of society cannot in any way be considered secondary to the mother-child attachment
The father’s vital role in giving his child the start to a successful future was confirmed by the results of a 40-year Oxford University’s study (Flouri & Buchanan 2002)300 that tracked the lives of 17,000 individuals born in 1958, monitoring their progress at the ages of seven, eleven, sixteen, twenty three and thirty three. They were given scores at each stage according to how big a part their fathers played in such pursuits as reading, helping with homework and accompanying them on outings. The study released in March 2002 found that close paternal involvement not only improves academic performance but also relationships and health. The benefits are greatest for youngsters who establish a strong bond from at least the age of seven. The highest scorers performed best at school, socially and in their marital relationships. After inspection of all the factors influencing a child’s later marital success, such as mental health, academic achievement and emotional behaviour, the influence of a father was most telling.”
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Obviously I would agree, and I hope these studies are pursued and the knowledge incorporated into family law (though I’m not holding my breath). But in no way must we see this as diminishing a mother’s role which is of course equally important. The two roles are different, but complementary. Each is vital, I think (always with the proviso ‘in the vast majority of cases’). We should not need to look at these two roles in isolation but together. This, really, is working in children’s best interests.
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